Day 1
Right here goes, I've never blogged about anything before but I am hoping this will help as I undergo detox with drugs from the doc.
Usual story professional male, stressful job, alcohol intake increased over the years blah blah blah. Unfortunately stuff happened at work which led to me being off with stress from the beginning of Dec and the alcohol intake went through the roof to such a degree that my body screamed for it - first just at night when i settled and then earlier and earlier.
Doc has been trying to get me to take drugs to break the habit and the physical cravings i was having but I was unconvinced it would work and worried re potential side effects. But after trying to beat it myself decided that the time had come to take........... Chlordiazepoxide!!
Today is day one of a twelve day programme and have to take 3 capsules of 5mg four times a day. After taking the first dose at 8am after drinking last night I was expecting to feel something, anything - drowsiness especially as it is a sedative but have had a busy day cleaning the house and doing diy etc. Second dose at 12pm and still nowt. Just before taking the third dose at 4pm I realised that as yet I had not had any craving for alcohol (normally a tingling sensation at the extremities ie hands and feet and also in my stomach).
I've just taken the final dose at 8pm and off to bed at 9 as starting to feel a bit tired now but I seem to have got through day one successfully. Intend to update this blog each day as a means of helping with the psychological aspects of detoxing - don't know how yet but will work it out!!
Night night
x
Day 2
Didn't have a very good sleep last night waking up several times but getting back to sleep relatively easily. Still I felt better, when i eventually got up at 5am, than I normally do after a night on the booze!!
Went swimming - in fact with a hard frost I didnt wanna wake the neighbours up scraping me car so also jogged down and jogged back! Probably with disturbed sleep, exercise and the drugs I nodded off on the sofa at about 1pm and didn't wake up till 3pm!!
Dosage the same today as yesterday but have to be honest at about 4ish I started thinking about having a drink. The difference tho was that it wasn't a physical craving like before just a thought, which I found by thinking of doing something else instead I got over it. So cooked a nice Goulash and whilst that was simmering went for another jog!
It would seem that exercise for me is going to replace the alcohol long term - as it used to to before - I don't suppose it really matters what it is just so long as it's something and as I've never really fancied going to a knitting circle or the like so am going back to what I used to do and know, because whilst the drugs seem to be doing the job intended for now, as I reduce the dosage I know I will need that something else.
Just about to take the final dose of the day and have another early night hopefully for a better nights kip but all in all another good day.
Nite Nite
x
Day 3
It's just after 10pm and I just got back from the pub!! Had to go there to watch my goddaughter play her first gig - which was great - but was a good boy and only had two glasses of coke and never even had a twinge as I watched others drink!!
So all in all another good day even though I had another disturbed nights sleep but even managed a 50 mile bike ride today 
. Caught up on me now tho so
Nite nite
x
Day 4
Well after two sleep disturbed nights I finally slept straight through - well till 4 am anyhows!! Strangely I also woke up with what felt like a hangover - gonna ask environmental health to test what they are putting in the coke in that pub!!
For the first time today I felt somewhat spaced out. I did my normal jog to pool, swim then jog back and after a well deserved sausage sarnie then fell asleep for a couple of hours but woke up feeling groggy and not really with it. Had to go shopping tho and, even tho I made a list, when i got to the co-op i couldn't remember why I had stuff on the list nor where to find it. Sorry doc I shouldn't have driven in that state!!
Kinda recovered about an hour later and later still went for a little jog. Started getting a slight craving for alcohol after this tho (deffo a pattern previously wanting alcohol after exercise) so had to find something else to do - so if anyone wants to share some banoffee pie and fairy cakes then pop in for a coffee as there's tons of it!!
Am very tired now but have to wait another half hour before the final dose of the day. Tomorrow I'm down to 2 capsules 4 times a day for the next couple of days so hopefully I won't go to co-op and ask for two tickets to see Amy Whinehouse at the cheese counter!!
Got the folks coming on Tuesday but see the doc tomorrow for a check up so gonna ask if he will double the dose!!!!!!!
Nite nite
X
Day 5
Another disturbed night sleep but went for a check up at the docs this morning. He refused to double the dose for the impending doom and gloom of parental visitations 
- He may be a doc but I bet he lacks knowledge in dragon-slaying and clearly hasn't met my mother, so will have to take her to the next appt methinks!!!!!
At least me dad will finish off the couple of beers that have been staring at me from the fridge since I started this, so temptation will truly be out of the way -having said that they may just as well be a couple of mouldy courgettes lying there, because at this stage that's how alcohol looks to me right now, so something seems to be working I guess!
Another good day and got loads done so keeping me evenings short as it was previously too easy to relax with a glass(ahem bottle or two!)of wine at this time of night. Tired anyhows after a good hard sesh on the turbo trainer as was too windy to go out on the bike. Anyone want to join me for me run-swim-run in the morning????? (Thought not Kevin!!)
Nite nite
x
Day 6
It's 4am but got 7 hours sleep straight through for the first time woooo hooooo 
. Still woke up with that hangover effect but only lasts 10 mins or so and hey I didn't pay a penny for it 
. Will update later but what else am I supposed to do at this time of the morning!!!
10.30pm now - the latest I've been up since I started the detox. Dosage been a bit erratic today - normally i try and space them out evenly but not sure I managed that with having the folks (aka Mr Magoo and the fire breathing dragon!!) here.
Normally alcohol is an essential part of the folks visiting but warned them beforehand so whilst they had a drink at the Tan Hill and Dad had a couple of beers over dinner I had no inclination whatsoever to join them so all in all another good day!
Half way through the drug detox but am looking beyond that. The drugs have got me over the essential first few days and my understanding is that I now have to gradually reduce dosage solely so that I don't get a rebound rather than inhibiting cravings etc. My psychology is therefore that I am now in control rather than the drugs and the next half of the regime will need an increasingly stronger will to keep it that way.
Nite nite
x
Day 7
Early start to the day again at 4am but got 5 hours without disturbance and went for an early bike ride over The Stang and up to Tan Hill - was bloomin cold up there!!
Got back and Mr Magoo and The Dragon had gone and had a message from 'work' colleagues to visit for lunch. They duly demolished the banoffee pie - and then my house - thanks guys much appreciated and will send ya the bill laters!!
Crashed out for a couple of hours after they had gone and have been a bit groggy since. Went shopping again but I think that this is the first time that the wine on the shelf looked very tempting. Why can't they just have it in one place so that it can be avoided rather than at the end of every bloomin row Resisted the temptation by buying chocolate instead - just as well the exercise regime is going well or i'd be a fat 
by now!!!!!!
I guess today was a reality check that as the dosage decreases my resolve is going to have to increase - I am under no illusion that this is going to be easy so just taking one day at a time now.
Despite my earlier 'kip' very tired again now so
Nite Nite
x
Day 8
Uneventful day really as I spent most of the day cycling - was going to have a rest day as yesterday was a tough ride but got persuaded otherwise by a couple of club members.
It occurred to me tonite that 8 days is a very short period of time but at the moment feels very much longer in trying to achieve the end goal of staying off alcohol longer term. The cycling, however, reminded me how much I enjoy something more than drinking so Chris Hoy had better watch out!!
My body these days screams for bed at night rather than alcohol so
Nite nite!
x
Day 9
Guess this blog is getting a bit boring now - get up early, do loads of stuff, exercise to get tired, go to bed early, hardly even thinking about alcohol except when I do this blog!! Perhaps I'll just go out and get legless, stagger home and write the blog when to make this a bit more interesting!!!! Only kidding another good day and feeling great.
Even though i'm up early (its 4.30 am as I write this blog) I had another full undisturbed sleep albeit only 6 hours or so but I find that is enough and as I go swimming at 7 it gives me time to wake up and do a bit of paperwork when really fresh
I'm now down to a single pill four times a day yesterday and today and then for the final two days just one in the morning one in the evening and that's it but to be honest I'm taking them coz that's what the doc has told me to not because I feel in any way that I need them so chuffed to bits with that
Normally at this point I say nite nite but can't so morning morning!!
x
Day 10
Only a couple more days to put up with the blog as I said I would do it until the end of the course of meds, albeit that's when it really begins for me.
Can't believe this is the second weekend in a row i've not had any alcohol - in fact I don't remember the last weekend without it never mind two in a row!!
Off to bed early again as been swimming, gardening, cooking etc etc so very tired and got a big bike ride in the morning so
Nite nite
x
Days 11 and 12
Just taken my final Chlordiaxepoxide tonight but to be honest last 2 days have been uneventful from an alcohol perspective as I am mostly focussed on exercise and fitness so get nicely tired at night to go to bed early enough without thinking about alcohol and have absolutley no craving for it at all. The other side of this particular coin is that i'm usually up at between 4 and 5 in the morning (it was 2am on sunday!!) but that's ok as i get some work done and then go jogging or swimming - anyone care to join me????? After another busy day it's time for bed but intend to do an overview/summary tomorrow (of how i feel now compared with when i was going OTT with alcohol) during the day when am less tired (or at 2 am if that's when i wake up!!)
Nite nite
x
PS how come only one comment? (thanks K) - i know you is all reading it coz ya told me!!!
Final Blog!
Well I made it to 3am (albeit it's past 5am now) but 5 hours seems to be ok - I used to need 9 to recover from the alcohol and then another kip at lunchtime which has been one of the big differences but more of that laters.
Apart from not touching a drop I've just worked out that since day 1 of my detox regime (i hate the word programme - so American!!) I have cycled 200 miles, run 20 and swam 5 with about 500 each of push ups and sit ups and also an hour hard session on me turbo trainer. And have I lost any weight? Have I !! Not sure if the urban myth that muscle weighs more than fat is true or whether I just ate too much bannoffee pie, trifle, chocolate, biscuits etc etc which I now crave more than alcohol with all this exercise - Doc perhaps you have a view??
No matter I'm told it's shape not weight that matters and in that respect Charles Atlas eat ya heart out!!!!!! I am absolutely amazed at how much difference the not having alcohol makes to the physiology of the body in such a short period. By that I mean my strength, breathing and ability to push myself to the limit aerobically has been staggeringly improved. Eg when i did my first swim I would have to stop for a breather every few lengths and jogging had to stop to walk (easier on the bike coz u can coast without stopping) but these last few days I've found that I not only don't need to do that but want to push it harder and harder (in a controlled way).
I focus on this because as I said in one of the earlier daily blogs something had to replace the alcohol otherwise I would probably have struggled a bit psychologically in stopping drinking and with my sporting past it was the obvious thing to do for me.
On a more serious note - and this is as much for the Doc I guess - I knew that my drinking habits were increasing to a significant level over a number of years, with some physical symptoms which could be unpleasant as well as the obvious in terms of lethargy, problems with concentration, motivation etc etc all of which were compounded by the stress of work implementing major projects in addition to the normal 'day job'. The serious and final straw which led to my 'breakdown' and going off long term sick tipped this over the edge. Some of you have asked how much I was drinking which I didn't reveal but I think now you should know. Before going off sick I was on at least a bottle of wine every night - usually a little bit more and more still at the weekend. The night of the fateful day and for 3 weeks after this was at least 2 bottles - and sometimes a little bit more!! After raising the matter with the Doc I tried to 'control' this back at previous levels but not always successfully and I eventually admitted defeat to the Doc as my body was absolutely screaming for alcohol earlier and earlier in the day and hence the drug detox.
This was important for many reasons not least because I still had to deal with the work grievance situation but also with previous high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high alcohol intake and stress (even though I have been off sick it didn't go away for ages as you live with every word and incident at work all day long which is re-lived each time I have had to respond to correspondence re my work grievances etc)and a family history of sudden deaths (albeit most were also smokers) - I could easily have been next on the list! The alcohol tolerance also probably stems from family with many heavy drinkers from grandparents down - so the predisposition to drink liberally and become dependant on it was always there.
as you will have gathered from the daily blogs that drug regime is now complete but psychologically this was completed for sure after day 7 when the temptation to buy a bottle of wine at the shops was deffo there but not since i've been back - am serious about what I think is bad practice of having alcohol at the end of almost every aisle 
.
Am now in good shape both mentally and physically and am grateful for your support throughout (you know who you are!) as I will need to be to complete the battles ahead but I now have back my health, my faculties and a motivation for new challenges that I could not have imagined getting back a few short months ago.
I don't want to finish this blog with everyone thinking that that's it - I have only go over one - albeit one very big - hurdle. Notwithstanding the work situation to be resolved I still need to work hard to ensure long term that any drinking - if any - I decide to do is restricted, moderated, controlled etc. but until I re-learn how to do that i'm staying off it. So here's the deal - u don't invite me for a drink and I won't invite you for a 50 mile bike ride!!
ciao and cheers (in a non-alcoholic kind of way!!)
x
Are you still reading this?
Hope so because it would seem I'm not out of the woods yet 
No alcohol and not interested in it but had a very bad night last night. Usual day swimming, gardening etc. went to bed bout 8.30 and after reading fell asleep pretty much as soon as i put the light out at 9.30 ish. Wierd dream - content not important but work related and woke up feeling very depressed and it was only 11.30pm but couldn't get back to sleep this time. Watched a couple episodes of Shameless to cheer me up but didnt finally go back to bed till 3. Restless but must have nodded off within about half an hour but sleep only last till 4.15 and woke still feeling gloomy.
I don't know if this is some sort of withdrawal from the drugs or whether i just had too much tea yesterday as had a lot of visitors but got an appt with doc this morning so will at least get a view quickly.
Still plan on going for me bike ride over the stang and tan hill today mind!!!
x
Updates
Been asked if I was going to keep the blog going - I hadn't intended to but will update probably at 1,3, 6, and 12 months as it is that long term goal I am aiming for.
No drama at the docs yesterday - thinks the bad nights kip was a 'blip' and not post medication. Had a great nights kip last night - not surprising given lack of sleep last night and a very hard and exhausting bike ride - but he was probably right which is why he is a doc and not a dragon slayer I guess .
Cheers again everyone for all your support.
S